"Never Let Anyone Get Your Goat, Push

Your Buttons, Get You Riled Up,

Or Annoy You - 6 Ways to Cope"

By Jonathan Huie

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.Whether phrased as "push your buttons," "get your goat," "get you riled up," or "annoy you," it's no fun to be on the receiving end. How to cope?

1. Don't take it personally. Even when someone criticizes your actions or demeans your very nature, know that they are merely directing their inner turmoil in your direction. Someone else's opinion of you is mostly irrelevant, and basically none of your business. Don't assume that there is any validity to an accusation. Perhaps there is a valuable lesson buried inside the unkindness that merits objective consideration, but negative emotions are best quickly discarded.

2. Look to the positive people in your life for support. If you balance many positive and supportive friends against one or two negative influences, it is much easier to cope. If you don't currently have enough positive people in your life, begin a focused effort to add positive people to your inner circle. If you don't have personal connections, search for groups of positive people at MeetUp.com.

3. Remove negative people from your life. Yes you can, even if it's your boss. You don't need that job so much that it's worth your health or happiness. Everything in life is a choice. Sometimes making a change is important, while other times just knowing that you hold the power to make a different choice is enough.

4. Forgive the offender, not for their sake, but for your own sake. The act of forgiving releases your anger and provides space for rational thinking and action.

5. Be grateful for the wake-up call. Any time that someone or something grabs your attention is a good time to be grateful - even if the message is unpleasant. Something is happening that requires your conscious awareness. Perhaps you have a lesson to learn or an action to take. Perhaps it is time to remove another negative influence from your life.

6. Release any expectations that the unkind person should have acted differently. Life is not fair, and you only cause yourself unhappiness if you hold an expectation that life or any individual should be fair or kind.
Visit Jonathan's Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote blog at http://www.DreamThisDay.com, and read his article: Stop Anger Before It Stops You - 7 Secrets for more ways to cope with anger.

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Jonathan Lockwood Huie is an author of self-awareness books. He has been dubbed "The Philosopher of Happiness" by those closest to him, in recognition of his on-going commitment to seeing Joy in all of life.

Today is your day to dance lightly with life. It really is. - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jonathan_Huie

The Value of Laughter, Especially in Older Age
By ROBERTA HERSHENSON
Published: Sunday, June 5, 1994

New York Timea

THE aging process may be nothing to laugh at, but growing older can provide rich opportunities for laughter. This was the premise of a humor workshop held here recently that resembled nothing so much as a group therapy session. It was led by Izzy Gesell, a writer and humorist from Northampton, Mass., who takes his calling so seriously that he has formed a company called Wide Angle Humor to spread the word.

THE aging process may be nothing to laugh at, but growing older can provide rich opportunities for laughter.

This was the premise of a humor workshop held here recently that resembled nothing so much as a group therapy session. It was led by Izzy Gesell, a writer and humorist from Northampton, Mass., who takes his calling so seriously that he has formed a company called Wide Angle Humor to spread the word.

In his opening remarks at the free afternoon program, sponsored by the Town of Greenburgh Arts and Culture Committee and the Steinberg Senior Center, Mr. Gesell spoke of the perspective and balance a sense of humor can provide. He encouraged the 70 people in their 50's through 80's gathered in a room at Anthony Veteran Park here to notice what strikes them as funny in their daily lives and to use that self-knowledge to lighten their spirits.

To be successful at finding the humor around them, he told the group, they would need to take an honest look at themselves. "People see a stylized image of themselves when they look in the mirror," he said. "We don't want to see ourselves as less than perfect. But self-esteem is closely related to a sense of humor, and we need to be able to laugh at our imperfections."

Mr. Gesell, a balding, sad-eyed 46-year-old with a mustache, made it plain that the world frustrates and maddens him: there is aggravation at the supermarket, where the checkout clerk can't tell lettuce from rutabaga, and more on the highway, where other drivers are either idiots or maniacs. "The idiots drive more slowly than you do and the maniacs drive too fast, so there's always someone to be mad at," Mr. Gesell said.

But people needn't be victims of gut-wrenching stress, said Mr. Gesell, who holds a bachelor's degree in psychology and a master's degree in education. They can lift their own moods the way he lifts his, he said -- by doing something silly, like donning a pair of Groucho Marx eyeglasses with nose attached, or by summoning a particularly happy or funny memory. Everyone has these, he said, and the elderly have had time to gather more of them.

He asked his listeners to close their eyes and smile, and then he reminded them of psychologists' recent findings: when the facial muscles employed in smiling are exercised, pleasant feelings follow. Or, as Mr. Gesell put it, "Your body says: 'She's smiling -- she must be happy. I'm going to release the happy stuff.' "

To help the audience become more self-aware, he divided the group into pairs and asked people to tell each other the things that caused them stress. Some answers were dishonesty, taxes, family members, health problems, selfish people, driving, noise and shopping. Then he asked them to name the things that made them happy.

Suddenly the room buzzed loudly as people discussed their pleasures: food, sex, grandchildren, music, liquor, financial security.

"I have news for you," Mr. Gesell said. "There was a much higher level of intensity when you talked about your joys than about your stresses. Even thinking about your pleasures brings you pleasure."

Humor is a risky business

Mr. Gesell has conducted similar workshops with members of the United States House of Representatives and at many corporate headquarters. He stresses that each life is an accumulation of buried jewels that can be uncovered to bring renewed joy. "To the emotion, the memory is as real as the actual event," he told the audience here.

On a more practical level, he urged people to remove their souvenirs and old photographs from storage boxes or albums and keep them in view. "Use photos of people, places or events that make you happy and spend your time connecting with them in your memory," Mr. Gesell said. "When you are feeling down, go through your stuff and find things that have happy memories for you."

"Can't memories make you melancholy?" a man asked.

"That's a danger," Mr. Gesell answered. "Humor is a risky business and always operates in ambiguity." But, he pointed out, sadness passes, and besides, "It's good to grieve." It's All in the Delivery

He had promised to teach the group how to tell a joke, and now it was time. Jokes also operate in ambiguity, Mr. Gesell said. "They are always about the kinds of problems people face and the solutions to the problems, seen from a different point of view."

Many people have trouble remembering jokes because "we don't know if we will like a joke until it's over," Mr. Gesell said. But, he added, a joke need not be told verbatim so long as its three main elements are mastered: the setup, the problem or conflict and the solution or punch line.

The details can always be varied to the teller's own taste, Mr. Gesell said, urging listeners to learn a joke, practice it in front of a mirror and try it out on someone.

"In Florida, a lot of widows are looking for a man who can drive at night," a man called out, and the audience, made up about equally of men and women, laughed.

"What makes us happy changes throughout our lives," Mr. Gesell said, without missing a beat. "For instance, I chose my second wife because she has brains, beauty and a job with a health plan."

Roberta Hershnson, author of "The Value of Laughter, Especially in Older Age" for The New York Times, 1994"

On Walking

Ready, Set, Walk!
7 tips to get you started walking
By Marianne McGinnis , Marianne McGinnis is a former Prevention associate editor.

Whether you're looking to boost your energy, slim down, de-stress, or firm up, these strategies will show you what you need to meet your goals:

Start with the right equipment.

When it comes to walking, shoes are your most important walking gear. To get off on the right foot, you'll want to be sure to protect your feet, legs and back (their all connected) with sturdy strolling shoes. They'll protect you from pavement pounding injuries so you won't get sidelined. If your sneakers are more than six months old it's time for a new pair.

Have a plan.

People who follow a formal walking program are more likely to stick to their goals than those who just say they'll walk most days of the week. Check out our walking calendars. You'll find plans for beginner walkers, weight loss, half-marathon and marathon training, as well as tons of information about walking.

Know your zone.

Whether you use a heart rate monitor or a 1-to-10 self-rating scale, exercising at the right intensity will help you lose weight and get fit faster. Maintaining your walks at a fat burning and fitness-building zone will increase your results.

Reward yourself

Healthy fitness-related treats are a great way to keep you motivated on your walking program. A new pair of shoes, workout pants, and even socks, are all perfect and appropriate rewards. Plan to positively reinforce yourself with some sort of gift for every month of fitness walking you successfully complete.

Plan alternatives.

On days when the going gets tough--get creative. If you can't make your regular 30-minute walk, break it up into doable chunks. Do 10 minutes in the morning, 10 at lunch and 10 after dinner.

Don't let the weather keep you down either--walk at the mall, on a gym treadmill, or pop in a DVD.

Get support.

Working out with a buddy may up your chances of success by making exercise feel easier. When 24 women walked or ran on a treadmill, those who received positive feedback such as "Great job," "Keep going," or "Excellent work" reported their workouts felt easier compared with women who received no encouraging words. The Bloomsburg University researchers weren't sure whether the cheerleading motivated exercisers or distracted them from discomfort. Even if your buddy isn't available during exercise--ask for friends and family to cheer you on.

Listen to your body.

If you find yourself feeling overly fatigued, or if you have a fever--stay home. Fitness walking when you aren't well will only make you feel worse. If you rest, you'll get back on your feet faster. While you're walking, it's normal to feel some discomfort as you push your body out of its comfort zone. As long as you feel good, go for it, but if you experience pain, nausea, or dizziness, you need to back off.


Last Updated: 03/24/2006 Copyright (c) Rodale, Inc. 2006

Prevention Magazine On-Line

On Success--Dale Carnegie

Some Tips from Dale Carnegie (1888-1955)

Dale Carnegie at Wikipedia

an American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills. Born in poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, first published in 1936, a massive bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote a biography of Abraham Lincoln, titled Lincoln the Unknown, as well as several other books.

Carnegie was an early proponent of what is now called ""responsibility asssumption", although this only appears minutely in his written work. One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's reaction to them.
from:
Dale Carnegie at Wikipedia

Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain-and most fools do.

Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.

Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves.

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.

Dale Carnegie at brainyquote

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Books by Dale Carnegie

Public Speaking and Influencing Men In Business. Association Press.
How to Win Friends and Influence People. A self-help book about interpersonal relations. Simon and Schuster.
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. A self-help book about stress management. Simon & Schuster.
Lincoln the Unknown by Dale Carnegie. A biography of Abraham Lincoln. Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc.
The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking. A Revision of Public Speaking And Influencing Men In Business by Dorothy Carnegie. Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc.
The Leader In You. How to Win Friends, Influence People, and Succeed in a Changing World
The Dale Carnegie Scrapbook, edited by Dorothy Carnegie. A collection of quotations that Dale Carnegie found inspirational interspersed with excerpts from his own writings. Simon and Schuster.
How To Develop Self-Confidence and Influence Others Through Public Speaking.
Managing Through People. The application of Dale Carnegie's principles of human relations to management. Simon and Schuster.
Pathways to Success - In Your Personal and Private Lives

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© Bob Hoff, 2009